life. as i know it

March 15, 2009

just thinking, that however much help i want to get for anything, whether it be in terms of personal, financial, social….help to ppl…   Allah still knows me best.

i cn sit here bloggin away about so many things or i can cry ma hart to God, priorities.ay?

I suppose at least i recognise my arrogance though my ignorance(the latter means that which a person thinks he knows and acts all bad wn he dont, i dint know tht before) so at least inshallah am of those who at least aint totally arrogant to not even see they doin wrong, but ive noticed that when in times of need and one asks for peoples help, whther openly or as a male, indirectly, people are just that people, they have time for you and their own lives,But God

well…He’s  always there, yeh we ask ppl but inshallah i will ask God alot more, inshallah ma blogs are likema diary bt obviously nt 100% personal as it can be seen by anyone (of trillions) or a few or just me!!

i wonder why am posting blogs?is it due to me finking am knowledgeable, when am more like hypocrite or am i being too down trodden and weak?

so life, its crazy but what a test, i just look at others ~(and when i may notbe  looking down at them…) and think how do they live, but i think i need to taste life and start actually putting true belief and hope in allah and hold his rope in this meandering somewhat stoodstill life.



Today i fasted and i had not eaten my fasting meal, meaning the pre-dawn meal and i went about my day in usual fashion, but that i thought as Uni is finishing early i would go pray my late afternoon prayer/meditations than go library then (try to)meditate again, then go to the huge Asda store at Eastlands, Manchester to finally get the A4 plastic punch pockets i soo direly craved for (as they were like -£0.50 to £1.00 cheaper!!!yes)

But i went there for the third time in my life on a bus i’ve never been on and hopped off and found a stationary shop that deals with, or moreover, supplies businesses and i was wearing my green puffed jacket with a hood, my backpack and a carrier bag on me and then the stationary shop which is doubled up with a office, had one of there office ladies/sales assistant to immediately come up to me, asking me, something like,

“may i help you”

I asked her the price of the a4 punch pockets whilst i knew they were curious about me and i don’t blame them, its not a ‘sweeping’ generalization to say that persons wearing clothes like i had are usually thieves!\

oh yeah i later found out it was £2.67 !! for ten sheets!!anyway i acted like i would order some so i tried asking for the website details which she was reluctant to give me,anyway i went Asda and spent about an hour there, on which i broke my ablution (due to a small flowing cut!)then the ladies (sales assistant or mangers) who were stocking, robbed my shoppin basket!! well im 99% sure of it!!i had just left it unattended for 2 minutes!!

so i had to dribble around again!

In all that time i hadn’t broken my fast so i decided i would with ASDA’S FREE ‘mature cheddar cheese’ SAMPLE , baked in a sandwich maker with some delicious ciabatta bread(i think its a new half baked Italian bread!!)


its weird cos my cousin who does not really eat solid foods..would get ill every year around thrice and for the third time and the only recent time i had been ill for two days about three months ago.


because i was fasting and the point is that when The Emissary of God said fast, he did not mean for it to be a hardship, and that is why i (realise now or i think i do) we eat the pre-dawn meal, rather when one fasts and observes the rules and etiquettes, then one feels that he/she is at some sort of peace, they feel light both physically (not bloated!!) and mentally(i do though i still feel i can scran anaything)

So i had fasted just before The Magnificent Ramadwaan so i cud get used to fasting but i became ill cos i fasted 3 days in succession! and two of those three days were the days where i assume i did not NEED TO eat the suhoor(pre -dawn meal)!!!

so i became ill and had a headache or more over a migraine (what is the difference?) and the side of my eye, the joint,the sphenoid was payyyyyyning aswell as the right side of my temple(called the temporal, i think)

So i actually experienced the undeniable pain, hurt grief and even despair at the time of being ill.And because i have experienced little and have little knowledge in life both physically, mentally and spirtually.pict1427.jpg

I’m taken back  by anything out of the ordinary(blue) even if it would be totally normal to everyone else in the world!!

i continue today 17 nov

its werd cos i was on the bus back to town and then another bus back to my house and all that time as i carry around 3+ kgs of laptop and books, my shoulders were in extreme pain and obvious discomfort and that coupled with the caning headache was enough to force me to just sit down, lie down, or just drop on the bustled and empty streets.but as i reached the final relief on the final bus home my head started to kick in and a sense of lethargy and tastes of nausea entered my mouth, and i just wanted to drop, faint whatever one calls it.but i went home, the pram was kind of blocking my fumbled,tired and dead body which was trying to feebly push the halting door and after my last but successful attempt at turning the key to force or even push the front door open,i kind of let all things loooose!

So i might have went abit ‘sik’ on my sister (oh cos i mentioned nausea i mean the sik as in crazy and angry thing) and straight upstairs demanding, by shouting (or screaming) for the paracetamol’s.

see before this case, i had one similar bout of this migrane/sick thingy!(well to this degree)The last one was about two months ago (after this case) when i suddently just recieved the same headache, nausea, sickness… dropped on my cousin’s couch then went climbling upstiars on his bed and stayed there for the whole night feeling and felt as if i wanted to ACTUALLY die!

This one today was because i had a cold and i had nothing, well hardly anything to eat for three consecutive days, why?cos i fasted and did not eat the pre-dawn MEAL, and i worked, (‘manual labour’) those three or two days!

My mother called the ambulance who were not at all surprised to see a perfectly normal case of sickness which would be treated by a simple PARACETAMOL, yes!

so i had the paracetamol and i felt better in the night after around 3 hours.

BUT i honestly felt like i just wanted to ……. faint etc

Glory be to the Creator that we invented a small pill that cures all those DEATH feelings, the mental, physical ailments!

and GLORY be to God for giving me a intellect with which i need to use!!

(oh yeh paracotemals are fake so i take the small pill part back!)

anyway the day before yesterday,(cos i continued writing the day after) saw me dying for the paracetamol and i don’t really know why, but maybe due to my ill knowledge and little experience, i felt as though my inside was dying, churning, eating me up. and after all my anger and rage, i looked at the faces of my mother and sister and realized that ‘the blood does NOT go’

how they tried and succeeded in helping me though i was the most undeserving, and they knew what the situation was and that they knew WHO i was to a degree, and they were probably hurt by it(my anger, rage, impatience), but it maybe just needed my realization that i should ask of their forgiveness…

To see their faces, innocent just pure caring and polite the looks of how the heart feels when it loves, how theywere helping me, how maybe my sister did not understand as she was explaining that the pram blocking the entrance was not hers and how i blamed her and how i blamed them for not finding the paracetamol’s(within 5 secs time,cos i felt like im was dying …)how i did the wrong things but they just loved me for i am Her brother and Her son.

i have realised to a extent that

‘the blood does NOT go’

religion? WHAT!?

November 15, 2007

a famous person, whom i think was a French philosopher said

“we use enough relgion to hate but not enough religion to love”


Lisaan – The Tongue

November 15, 2007


November 15, 2007

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